You get what you give. We can’t control how others treat us, but we can always choose how we treat them. Psychologist Carl Rogers identified three things that make therapists good at helping people heal and grow, and I believe they apply to all of us: mediators, doctors, lawyers, teachers, group facilitators, parents, plumbers, sales clerks: Everyone.
(1) Unconditional positive regard. Holding others with a deep conviction in the goodness at the heart of their being, even when their behavior is hard to accept.
(2) Genuineness. Showing up as our real selves, with no posturing and no mask, and giving our full, undivided attention to the cares, concerns and pains others are carrying.
(3) Empathy. Reflecting back what someone is telling us so they know we truly understand what they’re going through.You can practice these anywhere.
At a tense family meeting about a parent’s care. At the dinner table with a teenager who finally starts talking. With a stranger behind the counter who is clearly having a hard day. With a spouse whose hurt and frightened by what's been said in divorce mediation.
When we show up embodying these three qualities, we get our minds out of the way of our nature.
That helps others reconnect with their own nature, and then nature can do what it does: heal us and help us grow and flourish.
And here’s the part that makes “you get what you give” true: when we care for others this way, we open ourselves to healing and growth too.
Which of the three is hardest for you? Tell me in the comments on my instagram reel to the right.
🎯Save this this instragram reel for your next hard conversation.
🎯Share our reel with someone who shows up this way for you.
🎯And Follow @familytreemediation on instagram for more constructive communication and community-cultivating content.
🎯Last, contact me at 762-8733 to learn more how Family Tree Mediation helps families here on the Peninsula.
#paloalto #familymediation #carlrogers #empathy #deeplistening
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Attorney-Mediator Hank Edson is responsible for the information provided in this video and caption, which is for educational purposes only under California law and does not create an attorney-client relationship or mediator-client relationship and does not constitute legal advice.
