Privacy Policy

John Hank Edson, dba Family Tree Mediation recognizes and respects your privacy. We want you to make the most of this Web site and to feel confident while doing so. The following discloses the information collection, use and disclosure practices for this domain. This policy does not address information obtained offline.

Or you can reach us by telephone at the number posted on this page.

CALIFORNIA “SHINE THE LIGHT” LAW & YOUR PRIVACY RIGHTS

California Civil Code Section 1798.83, also known as the "Shine The Light" law, permits consumers who are California residents, to request and obtain from us once a year, free of charge, information about the categories of personal information (as defined in the Shine the Light law), if any, that we disclosed in the preceding calendar year to third parties for those third parties' direct marketing purposes. Our disclosure requirements apply only if we share our consumers’ personal information with third parties for them to directly market their own products to those consumers, instead of assisting us with our own business. If you are a California resident and would like to make such a request, contact us as provided in the "Contact Us" tab of this website. However, Family Tree Mediation does not collect and does not disclose to any third parties any personal information.

WHAT PERSONAL INFORMATION DO WE COLLECT?

When you visit the public area of this website, you remain anonymous. To the extent you use the e-mail form via the Web site, or call us via phone to communicate with us, and provide us with personally identifiable information, however, you will not remain anonymous. Because it is impossible to predict every conceivable context in which such information might be provided to us via e-mail, we can provide you no assurance that personally identifiable information you choose to provide to us via e-mail will be maintained as private.

This website uses "cookies." Cookies are small text files that are placed on a visitor's computer hard drive that allow us and/or the host of this Web site to record how many times a user or computers within a user's network of computers has visited the Web site, the number of times various pages of the Web site have been accessed and to track the user's home page customization preferences. You may disable receipt of cookies using features of your Web browser that disable or turn off cookies. We do not use cookies to retrieve information that is unrelated to your visit to or your interaction with this Web site.

We collect your Internet Protocol (IP) address. An IP address is a number that is assigned to your computer when you use the Internet. The IP address data that we collect does not contain any personally identifiable information about you and is used to administer our site, to determine the numbers of different visitors to the site and to gather demographic data. However, when you submit information via this website, that information becomes identifiable and is kept on record as having come from your IP address. This information may be used to identify you on subsequent visits to this site, and to other sites associated with it, and to personalize your user experience.

The non-personally identifiable data that this website collects is accessible by certain Family Tree Mediation personnel as well as certain third-party Web site designers and personnel involved with the third-party service that hosts the Web site. We use all non-personally identifiable data that we collect internally and together with our Web site designer and host in order to improve the Web site. The information is used, for example, to evaluate what portions of the Web site are more popular than others, to determine where visitors to the site came from, and to determine how many times and how often particular pages of the site were accessed. We may use the data to prepare reports regarding Web site activity as part of the process of maintaining and improving the site.

WHAT STEPS DO WE TAKE TO PROTECT YOUR PRIVACY?

To the extent permitted by law, we will not sell, share, or otherwise disclose any of the information collected online without your express permission.

WHAT ARE THE PRIVACY POLICIES OF SITES TO WHICH THIS WEB SITE LINKS?

We provide links to third party Web sites that we do not control. Therefore, we urge you to review the privacy policies posted on these third party Web sites at the time you first visit such sites. We assume no obligation to review or ensure enforcement or compliance with the privacy policy of any Web site to which we links.

WHAT ABOUT CHILDREN'S PRIVACY?

We do not knowingly collect personally identifiable information from any children under age 13.

IS DATA STORAGE AND PROCESSING CONDUCTED IN THE UNITED STATES?

Regardless of where you are located, the site collects information and processes and stores that information in databases located in the United States.

CAN WE REVISE THIS PRIVACY POLICY?

Due to the rapidly evolving technologies on the Internet, we may occasionally update this privacy policy. All revisions will be posted here Web site. We therefore urge you to review its Privacy Policy frequently.

WHAT IF I HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS PRIVACY POLICY?

Family Tree Mediation welcomes questions and comments this website and about this policy. You are welcome to call us with your comments and questions at (650) 762-8733.

Privacy Policy

John Hank Edson, dba Family Tree Mediation recognizes and respects your privacy. We want you to make the most of this Web site and to feel confident while doing so. The following discloses the information collection, use and disclosure practices for this domain. This policy does not address information obtained offline.

Or you can reach us by telephone at the number posted on this page.

CALIFORNIA “SHINE THE LIGHT” LAW & YOUR PRIVACY RIGHTS

California Civil Code Section 1798.83, also known as the "Shine The Light" law, permits consumers who are California residents, to request and obtain from us once a year, free of charge, information about the categories of personal information (as defined in the Shine the Light law), if any, that we disclosed in the preceding calendar year to third parties for those third parties' direct marketing purposes. Our disclosure requirements apply only if we share our consumers’ personal information with third parties for them to directly market their own products to those consumers, instead of assisting us with our own business. If you are a California resident and would like to make such a request, contact us as provided in the "Contact Us" tab of this website. However, Family Tree Mediation does not collect and does not disclose to any third parties any personal information.

WHAT PERSONAL INFORMATION DO WE COLLECT?

When you visit the public area of this website, you remain anonymous. To the extent you use the e-mail form via the Web site, or call us via phone to communicate with us, and provide us with personally identifiable information, however, you will not remain anonymous. Because it is impossible to predict every conceivable context in which such information might be provided to us via e-mail, we can provide you no assurance that personally identifiable information you choose to provide to us via e-mail will be maintained as private.

This website uses "cookies." Cookies are small text files that are placed on a visitor's computer hard drive that allow us and/or the host of this Web site to record how many times a user or computers within a user's network of computers has visited the Web site, the number of times various pages of the Web site have been accessed and to track the user's home page customization preferences. You may disable receipt of cookies using features of your Web browser that disable or turn off cookies. We do not use cookies to retrieve information that is unrelated to your visit to or your interaction with this Web site.

We collect your Internet Protocol (IP) address. An IP address is a number that is assigned to your computer when you use the Internet. The IP address data that we collect does not contain any personally identifiable information about you and is used to administer our site, to determine the numbers of different visitors to the site and to gather demographic data. However, when you submit information via this website, that information becomes identifiable and is kept on record as having come from your IP address. This information may be used to identify you on subsequent visits to this site, and to other sites associated with it, and to personalize your user experience.

The non-personally identifiable data that this website collects is accessible by certain Family Tree Mediation personnel as well as certain third-party Web site designers and personnel involved with the third-party service that hosts the Web site. We use all non-personally identifiable data that we collect internally and together with our Web site designer and host in order to improve the Web site. The information is used, for example, to evaluate what portions of the Web site are more popular than others, to determine where visitors to the site came from, and to determine how many times and how often particular pages of the site were accessed. We may use the data to prepare reports regarding Web site activity as part of the process of maintaining and improving the site.

WHAT STEPS DO WE TAKE TO PROTECT YOUR PRIVACY?

To the extent permitted by law, we will not sell, share, or otherwise disclose any of the information collected online without your express permission.

WHAT ARE THE PRIVACY POLICIES OF SITES TO WHICH THIS WEB SITE LINKS?

We provide links to third party Web sites that we do not control. Therefore, we urge you to review the privacy policies posted on these third party Web sites at the time you first visit such sites. We assume no obligation to review or ensure enforcement or compliance with the privacy policy of any Web site to which we links.

WHAT ABOUT CHILDREN'S PRIVACY?

We do not knowingly collect personally identifiable information from any children under age 13.

IS DATA STORAGE AND PROCESSING CONDUCTED IN THE UNITED STATES?

Regardless of where you are located, the site collects information and processes and stores that information in databases located in the United States.

CAN WE REVISE THIS PRIVACY POLICY?

Due to the rapidly evolving technologies on the Internet, we may occasionally update this privacy policy. All revisions will be posted here Web site. We therefore urge you to review its Privacy Policy frequently.

WHAT IF I HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS PRIVACY POLICY?

Family Tree Mediation welcomes questions and comments this website and about this policy. You are welcome to call us with your comments and questions at (650) 762-8733.

Premarital Counseling: Honoring Your Love with Sophisticated Partnership

Years of experience mediating both marriage and divorce conflicts of all kinds, has resulted in an understanding of what leads to marital happiness and fulfillment and what leads to marital dysfunction and divorce.  In every case, in our experience, the quality of the marriage experience depends on the sophistication with which the lovers approach the project of life-partnership.  That phrase, "life-partnership", points to an important understanding.  For those entering into marriage, there is nothing you will do in your life that will have a larger impact on you than forming this partnership.  In marrying, you leave behind all the other lives you might live and place yourself under the center of gravity of another person.  The couple marrying thus becomes a double-star dance, each orbiting around the other, creating between them a third center of gravity, that of their partnership.  Together you pursue what we call your Best Happiness in this double-star dance.

When the letter came on the last day of February, I had a foreboding.  I’d noticed a certain energy around the building where Family Tree Mediation has had its office for the past six years, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.  To begin with, the owner had put in a putting green in a little courtyard space near the rear of the building.  Why not? I supposed.  The space wasn’t really being used.  Maybe the landlord, whose offices occupied the bottom floor, was an avid golfer?  But then there were the new fences and the trellis constructed across the back wall facing the parking lot.  As I came and went, in the morning and the evening, these details didn’t really register in my thoughts, but subconsciously there was definitely a whisper.

And then the envelope with the 90-days eviction notice inside on the door of every office on the upper floor.  The space was being converted for a single tenant start-up.  It’s a familiar Silicon Valley story.

We, people in general, or, heck, me-- I get rooted in my life and being uprooted, for me, feels dismaying.  In case you haven’t checked lately, the commercial real estate market in Palo Alto and Menlo Park is no picnic.  I’d had it good in my old office.  I now understood just how good.  I looked at a lot of depressing places at four and five times my old rent and a lot of them involved investment beyond just higher rent. Even the wonderful place I found after a month of searching, and a stressful episode or two in contemplation of other contracts, even this new, affordable, exciting prospect required just such an investment, not just financially, but of imagination, time, elbow grease, and judgment, risk assessment. 

When I got the eviction notice, I had a foreboding of all this.  A storm of sorts was about to hit, and I was in for a good month or two, possibly more, of hard work steering my business to a new home, while still seeing a full client load and making sure their needs were well met.

I recently came across a video of the 1999 induction celebration of Mr. Rogers’ into the television hall of fame.  I stand in awe of Mr. Rogers because like no other human being I can recall, he achieved an outlier level of greatness – a game changing achievement – through absolute gentleness.  When we think of rebels and revolutionaries, people who bucked trends, spurned conventions, and refused to conform to social pressures of all kinds, particularly when we think of men, we think of James Dean types, punk rockers, or even the rising momentum of Martin Luther King, Jr.’s oratory.  But, of course, in some sense these types are conforming in their nonconformity to the gender stereotype of what a man is supposed to be.  And, the problem with that stereotype (which is not necessarily the problem of the leaders who fall into it) is that it does not look deeper into what a human being is supposed to be.

Mr. Rogers did not simply repeat the structures of gender stereotypes in demonstrating his value as a human being.  Instead, he understood that human beings needed to risk developing their capacity for gentleness in order to achieve our fullest capacity for greatness.  

Alexandra Petri, the author of A Field Guide to Awkward Silences, wrote a funny opinion piece in the Washington Post this week entitled “Famous quotes, the way a woman would have to say them in a meeting.”  The piece uses humor to make the point that our communication styles demonstrate just how real and pervasive gender bias is in our culture.  Here are Ms. Petri’s translation of famous quotes from men.

“Give me liberty, or give me death.”
Woman in a Meeting: “Dave, if I could, I could just — I just really feel like if we had liberty it would be terrific, and the alternative would just be awful, you know? That’s just how it strikes me. I don’t know.”

“I have a dream today!”
Woman in a Meeting: “I’m sorry, I just had this idea — it’s probably crazy, but — look, just as long as we’re throwing things out here — I had sort of an idea or vision about maybe the future?”

“Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!”
Woman in a Meeting: “I’m sorry, Mikhail, if I could? Didn’t mean to cut you off there. Can we agree that this wall maybe isn’t quite doing what it should be doing? Just looking at everything everyone’s been saying, it seems like we could consider removing it. Possibly. I don’t know, what does the room feel?” ...

Hank Edson, J.D.                CALL: (650) 762-8733

Proprietor of Family Tree Mediation
Serving Redwood City, Atherton,
Menlo Park, Palo Alto, Mountain View,
Los Altos and the wider Peninsula &
San Francisco Bay Area. 

One of the influences that led me to become an attorney mediator focusing on helping families navigate conflicts, challenges, change and opportunity is the incredibly useful book, Difficult Conversations, written by the directors of the Harvard Negotiation Project.  This book is the product of thousands of hours of discussions with people from all walks of life who came into their clinic to talk about the difficulties they were having in navigating conversations about conflicts in their lives.  In constantly analyzing where such conversations broke down, turned nasty, or just lost focus, the authors were able to develop an understanding of the anatomy of the difficult conversation.  That is, the authors found in their thousands of case studies that there was a uniform arrangement of structures, obstacles, opportunities and pitfalls that must be carefully navigated in talking about any conflict.  More importantly, they created a map and a tool kit to help everyone learn how to navigate these conversations skillfully.

The most basic “bare bones” version of this anatomy is this: Every difficult conversation has three layers and each layer has certain pitfalls that must be avoided by applying specific constructive communication practices. 

The three layers present in every difficult conversation are: the What Happened layer, the Feelings layer, and the Identity layer.  Over the last several blog posts, I have provided a brief description of the significance of each of these layers in understanding the forces at play in any conflict.  In addition, I have described each of the pitfalls present in the difficult conversation anatomy and refelcted on the communication strategies developed by the Harvard Negotiation Project for keeping things constructive.

In “The What Happened Conversation, Part 1,” I suggested that our lack of experience skillfully navigating difficult conversations all too often leads us to conclude that we are damned if we do (pardon my French), and damned if we don’t.  For this reason we are prone to adopt a strategy of avoidance, choosing to let the perceived doom of a looming conflict come and get us, rather than to actively assist that doom along by seeking it out and opening it up for discussion.

But, as I discussed, the flaw in this approach is that our history of making a bad situation worse by rolling head-long into it does not mean that the problem lies in choosing to engage rather than to avoid.  What it means, actually, is that we have to engage the conflict in a skillful way.  Avoidance will eventually blow up in our face.  Yet picking up the ticking conflict bomb without preparation for disarming it, also means it will blow up in our face.  Fortunately, disarmament skills can be acquired.

Last time, we looked at the skill of holding the “And-Stance” posture when initiating a difficult conversation at the What Happened layer, the surface layer of three layers present in every difficult conversation, the surface where the facts of who, what, where, when, how, and why are discussed. 

The "And-Stance" is a skill that can help you avoid the truth assumption pitfall—the pitfall wherein you approach the conflict with an either/or mindset that assigns exclusive right to the truth to one of you or the other.  Since you can plainly see the errors of the other, that means you must be the one who's right, right?